Here's the Official Splash Bio, brought to you by contemporary Dialysis technology, the most amazing beverage created by mankind Coca-Cola and lots and lots of insomnia!
DESCRIBE YOURSELF IN JUST THREE WORDS
Geeky, dorky schlub.
WHAT DO YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?
Here are the top 3 things I do in my spare time:
1) I try to coax my kidneys back into rejoining the rest of my bodily organs in peace and harmony.
2) I write screenplays created from my heart and soul to star the lovely and talented Winona Ryder.
3) I fight the neverending battle decrying the lack of the letter "g" at the end of song titles. (i.e. "Cheatin" from the effervescent Sara Evans)
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE BEST SONG OF ALL TIME?
"I'm Little But I'm Loud" from Martina's 1997 album "Evolution." My growth was stunted by two separate kidney transplants and I have a big mouth. Thank you Martina.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR BEST PERSONAL TRAIT IS?
I\\\\\\\'m as loyal as a puppy.
WHAT IS YOUR WORST HABIT?
I'm a self loather. (Garry Shandling said it best: "Nobody loathes me more than I do.")
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE WEBSITE?
1. The Internet Movie Database
Every time I see a film, I have to obsessively go this site and learn every insignificant minute piece of trivia associated with it.
Then I take a nap.
I realign my movie queue nearly every day. "Should I watch the 1st season of 'Batman Beyond' or 'Star Trek IV'?"
FAVORITE STORE IN THE ENTIRE SHOPPING UNIVERSE?
Target rules the entire kingdom of stores. (And rules with discounted prices.)
NAME ONE THING THAT OUR FROGGY FANS WOULD BE SURPRISED TO KNOW ABOUT YOU?
I have a dark side that only comes out very late at night and lurks deep within the recesses of my overpriced and rarely maintained apartment.
His name is Seymour and he likes Cheez-Itz.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE "PIG OUT" FOOD?
Double anchovie pizza. If I REALLY want to be alone for hours at a time, this is usually all it takes.
YOU JUST WON A HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY. ASIDE FROM EARLY RETIREMENT, WHAT WOULD BE THE FIRST THING YOU WOULD DO?
I would visit my parents and then my sister. I would arrive bearing huge checks and a big, dorky smile of my face.
Then we'd eat meal loaf and speak of memories past.
Once I depart both locales, I would begin the search for the Official Splash Girl Next Door of My Dreams.
WHAT MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?
Making out. For hours on end. Until my lips are chapped.
WHAT MAKES YOU INCREDIBLY ANGRY?
Egotism. Radio's busting at the seams with it.
WHAT PROFESSION WOULD YOU LIKE TO ATTEMPT?
In my other career I'm a Pulitzer Prize winning author of children's books, teaching children afflicted with kidney disease that it's not as scary as it seems.
When it actuality, it is.
IF YOU HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO WRITE A BOOK, WHAT WOULD YOU WRITE ABOUT?
The horrors of Dialyis and how to survive in twelve easy steps.
WHO WAS THE MOST MEMORABLE FAMOUS PERSON YOUVE EVER MET?
John Lasseter, who I was fortunate enough to shake hands with earlier this year. He is a creative genius who has brought hours of happiness and laughter to me through his highly entertaining and impressively written films.
And he signed my Buzz Lightyear radio.
IF YOU HAD THE ABILITY TO TRAVEL THROUGH TIME, "WHEN" WOULD YOU TRAVEL TO?
I'm fascinated by the early part of the 20th century, so I'd probably journey to the early 1930's. It seems so romanticized by contemporary films. I just can't resist a film set in the early 1900's.
WHAT FILM HAVE YOU SEEN MORE THAN FIVE TIMES?
It's a close race between the original "Godfather" and "Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan." I always wanted to be in the mafia AND Captain Kirk when I was a kid.
IF YOU COULD CREATE YOUR OWN BUMPER STICKER, WHAT WOULD IT SAY?
Adore the squiggly.
IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE FCC, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Allowing partisan politics and radical fringe groups to literally create your agenda is no way to run a truly important and vital government agency.
YOU'VE JUST ARRIVED IN HEAVEN. WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU WANT TO HEAR GOD SAY?
I want God to admit that I am His personal and lifelong Action Figure. That He simply was creating the human race one day and ran out of viable body parts.
Then I want a second chance to get it all right.
BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
First kisses. Anticipation building on imaginging if wondering how breathless the experience will be.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Dialysis. Two needles, one machine, no compassion.
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
Gemini. I am a tortured soul who can twist between the most interesting, entertaining and engaging individual you've ever met to the most foul, grouchy, twisted and sarcastic schmuck ever. Both sides usually battle for complete control of my soul.
FUTURE DAUGHTER\\\\\\\'S NAME?
Martina Amelia Gordon.
FUTURE SON\\\\\\\'S NAME?
Caesar Princeton Gordon.
Due to lack of financial substenance, usually my bed with the covers pulled and the lights out, napping.
WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
A 1980 Ford Mustang. I know. Sounds cool, right? The 1980 model was made entirely of poorly manufactured and hastily imported plastic.
We called it the Milk Carton in high school, mostly because I wish it was missing most days.
HAPPIEST MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE?
When my eyes opened to reveal my hospital room filled with flowers, cards, letters and balloons post kidney transplant. One of the flower holders was in the shape of a hand, as though it were actually grasping flowers. That was from my uncle who recently passed away. I still have that flower holder. It holds all my pens, scissors and Sharpie\\\\\\\'s.
SADDEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?
It's moments before my second kidney transplant and my sister is lying on a gurney next to me. I look over just moments before we\\\\\\\'re to be wheeled into the operating room and she's crying.
I haven't forgiven myself since.
WHY DID YOU CHOOSE RADIO AS A CAREER?
For the chicks.
Surviving all the surgeries and hospitalizations, ER visits and Dialysis.
One day it will all be worth it.
FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
The most amazing, fantastically entertaining, bone crushing, cheer inducing sport ever created by mankind: NFL Football!
The Pittsburght Steelers: Future Super Bowl Champions!! Again!
MOST ATTRACTIVE CELEBRITY?
The lovely, talented, vivacious and bodacious, luscious and enthralling Miss Winona Ryder.
An extremely close second, using all of the above adjectives, is Martina McBride.
On a more personal note, if you would like to make your wishes to donate your organs (in case something happens and I'm rooting nothing does) please stop by this website and register:
DONATE LIFE CALIFORNIA
It sounds silly and a little cliche, but the life you save could be someone you love.
Adore the squiggly!